7 Awkward Experiences That Almost Every Lesbian Woman Will Face

October 9, 2013 in inQueery

both girls1. Who is the guy, who is the girl?
Something we have all been asked, and every time is just as awkward as the last. Who is the guy and who is the girl? This question is commonly asked from the point of view of the curious heterosexual. However, there is never a simple answer, hence the awkwardness. The truth is, yes, sometimes one partner in the couple has more masculine tendencies and the other may be more feminine, but there is usually no separate distinction making one the “guy” and one the “girl”, we are both girls, ergo, lesbians! Yet whenever I am asked this question, I still have an answer, but its not simple. For instance, my partner is very feminine. She generally dresses more feminine, is a little bit more delicate, and gets along with women more often than with men. Now take me, I seem a little more masculine, butch if you will, I sometimes dress in men’s clothing, and definitely get along with men more than women. However I am not the “guy”. I am far more high maintenance than my partner. When it takes her ten minutes to get ready in the morning, I’m still putting on my make-up an hour later. I scream like a little girl when I see a spider, and love shakin’ my booty at the club. So who is the guy and who is the girl? Neither. It doesn’t work like that, so stop being awkward and just ask me a better question. Like…how do you know if you are a lesbian, maybe you just haven’t met the right guy?

2. You just haven’t met the right guy
Oh wait, this one is just as awkward. So how do I know that I would rather be with a woman than be with a man? Well this one is quite simpler. Let me counter this question, with another question. How does a heterosexual individual know that they are not gay or lesbian of they have not tried it? Easy! There is no sexual desire, no impulse, no drive, maybe not even any curiosity. Why? This is because we are what we are. If I have no interest in men, why does that automatically mean that every man I may or may not have been with does not even compare to the next? Sorry boys, it’s not about how you are or aren’t working it, it’s what you have to work with. Most lesbians are not going to answer this question by saying, “You know what you’re right, lay it on me, I might change my mind.” Most lesbians are going to respond by awkwardly walking away, leaving, or ignoring the situation. Congratulations straight man, you have succeeded in doing the exact opposite of your original intentions. Unfortunately, this is not as awkward as it gets.

3. “Sorry I’m a lesbian” statement at the club
Before the previous question even arises, there is usually one awkward experience that occurs first. Imagine this scenario: heterosexual man approaches already uninterested lesbian at the club and asks, “Can I buy you a drink? Want to dance?” She politely responds by saying, “No thanks.” However, as if being rejected is not awkward enough, he needs to ask, “Why not? It’s just one dance, just one drink.” This is when I usually proudly and awkwardly reply, “Sorry, I’m a lesbian.” If he is a gentleman or even has the slightest bit of common sense, he will move on to the next girl. Unfortunately it does not always go that smoothly, but the bottom line is, it is usually not a comfortable situation. He may get annoyed, mad, or embarrassed, and I am spending the rest of the night trying to avoid him and every other guy that makes the same move. Now, how much more awkward can it get?

4. Doctor’s office: the pregnancy question
The answer is…a whole lot more awkward. Ladies, have you ever been to a doctor’s appointment where the nurse asks you when your last period was and if there is a possibility you may be pregnant? Well, no matter how many times I see the same nurse or the same doctor, this question is always asked. Yet no matter how many times I respond by telling them that pregnancy isn’t possible, I’m a lesbian, they never quite seem to believe you on the first try. Usually the nurse digs and digs until they actually do realize, “Oh, this person can’t possibly be pregnant.” I know that there are exceptions to every rule and sometimes things do happen, but the awkward part of it all is when the doctor or nurse doesn’t believe you. Sorry Dr. So and So, no immaculate conception today.

5. Asking straight girls to hang out…as friends
Heteronormativity is all around us. Usually, unless a lesbian is obviously butch, you can’t always tell if someone is actually a lesbian or not, and even then its not a definite. The truth is that in a heteronormative society, we as humans tend to automatically think other people are straight, even if they are not. This is generally typical of most heterosexuals. Well, being a part of the queer community tends to change that “heronormative” thinking for me. Instead, I am inclined to think that I wear my sexuality on my forehead, and everybody knows that I am a lesbian. This is when it gets awkward again. The first thing I think when I ask a heterosexual woman to hang out is, “Does she know I’m a lesbian? Does she think I’m hitting on her? Is she ‘weirded’ out by me?” These are never good thoughts, often leading to more awkward moments.

6. In the locker room at the gym with your partner
Since we do live in a heteronormative society, when a heterosexual individual who is not used to being around the queer community notices that someone else may be gay or lesbian, it can get awkward. For example, when I am in the locker room at the gym with my partner, other women tend to have a double take. If I call my partner, “babe”, or if I even give her the slightest peck on the cheek in the locker room, chances are that I’m being stared at. Not only is it awkward to stare, but it’s awkward to be stared at. You don’t know where to look, and if you look at the person staring at you, guess what, more awkwardness! However, being stared at in the gym locker room is not the most awkward moment I have ever had in public with my partner.

7. Checking into hotel rooms with your partner, “Will that be two double beds? No, one queen please.”
Checking into hotel rooms is usually no big deal, unless you are in a highly conservative part of the country with your equally gay partner. One of the most awkward moments I have experienced as a lesbian has occurred following the question, “Will that be two double beds?” Just as I have previously explained, we live in a heteronormative society, meaning that if two girls are checking into one hotel room, the assumption is that they are two friends sleeping in separate beds. Well, that is not always the case, especially for me. One of the first times I experienced this I replied to the women at the front desk with a firm, “No, one queen please.” Immediately, she stared at me with a blank look, and I just stared back. I wanted to ask her if there was a problem, but that would have just made it more awkward. At least this time she didn’t respond with homophobia, like I have experienced in the past. Previously on a separate occasion, I had even been asked to leave the hotel and was refused service. Talk about awkward moment, and I think that one takes the cake.

Ariel Lemont is a Guest Contributor to the InQueery.